a big wheel Christmas

In September of 1960, I woke up one morning with six hungry babies and just 75 cents in my pocket. Their father was gone. The boys ranged from three months to seven years; their sister was two. Their Dad had never been much more than a presence they feared. Whenever they heard his tires crunch on the gravel driveway they would scramble to hide under their beds. He did manage to leave $15 a week to buy groceries.

Now that he had decided to leave, there would be no more beatings, but no food either. If there was a welfare system in effect in southern Indiana at that time, I certainly knew nothing about it. I scrubbed the kids until they looked brand new and then put on my best homemade dress, loaded them into the rusty old 51 Chevy and drove off to find a job. The seven of us went to every factory, store and restaurant in our small town. No luck. The kids stayed crammed into the car and tried to be quiet while I did my best to convince whoever would listen that I was willing to learn or do anything. I had to have a job. Still no luck.

The last place we went to, just a few miles out of town, was an old Root Beer Barrel drive-in that had been converted to a truck stop. It was called the Big Wheel. An old lady named Granny owned the place and she peeked out of the window from time to time at all those kids. She needed someone on the graveyard shift, 11:00 PM until 7:00 AM. She paid 65 cents an hour, and I could start that night.

I raced home and called the teenager down the street that babysat for people. I bargained with her to come and sleep on my sofa for a dollar a night. She could arrive with her pajamas on and the kids would already be asleep. This seemed like a good arrangement to her, so we made a deal.

That night when the little ones and I knelt to say our prayers, we all thanked God for finding Mommy a job. And so I started at the Big Wheel. When I got home in the mornings I woke the baby-sitter up and sent her home with one dollar of my tip money - half of what I averaged every night.

As the weeks went by, heating bills added a strain to my meager wage. The tires on the old Chevy had the consistency of penny balloons and began to leak. I had to fill them with air every night on the way to work and again every morning before I could go home. One bleak fall morning, I dragged myself to the car to go home and found four tires in the back seat. New tires! There was no note, no nothing, just those beautiful, brand new tires. "Had angels taken up residence in Indiana?" I wondered. I made a deal with the local service station. In exchange for his mounting the new tires, I would clean up his office. I remember it took me a lot longer to scrub his floor than it did for him to do the tires.

I was now working six nights instead of five and it still wasn't enough. Christmas was coming and I knew there would be no money for toys for the kids. I found a can of red paint and started repairing and painting some old toys. Then I hid them in the basement so there would be something on Christmas morning. Clothes were a worry too. I was sewing patches on top of patches on the boys' pants and soon they would be too far gone to repair.

On Christmas Eve the usual customers were drinking coffee in the Big Wheel. There were the truckers, Les, Frank and Jim, and a state trooper named Joe. A few musicians were hanging around after a gig at the Legion and were dropping nickels in the pinball machine. The regulars all just sat around and talked through the wee hours of the morning and finally left before the sun came up.

When it was time for me to go home at 7:00 AM on Christmas morning, to my amazement, my old, battered Chevy was filled full to the top with boxes of all shapes and sizes. I quickly opened the driver's side door, crawled inside and kneeled in the front facing the back seat. Reaching back, I pulled the lid off the top box. Inside was a whole case of little blue jeans, sizes 2-10! I looked inside another box: it was full of shirts to go with the jeans. Then I peeked inside some of the other boxes: candy and nuts and bananas and bags of groceries. There was an enormous ham for baking, canned vegetables and potatoes. There was pudding and Jell-O and cookies, cakes and pie filling and flour. There was a whole bag of laundry supplies and cleaning items. And, in the last box, there were five toy trucks and one beautiful little doll.

As I drove back through empty streets, the sun slowly rose on the most amazing Christmas Day of my life. I was sobbing with gratitude. And I will never forget the joy on the faces of my little ones that precious morning.

Yes, there were angels in Indiana that long-ago December. And they all hung out at the Big Wheel truck stop.

Jesus and the snow geese

There once was a man who didn't believe in God. And he didn't hesitate to let others know how he felt about faith and religious holidays, like Christmas. His wife, however, did believe. And despite his disparaging comments, she raised their children to also have faith in God and His Son, Jesus.

One snowy December 24th, his wife was taking their children to a Christmas Eve service at the small community church. She asked him to come, but he refused. "That story is nonsense!" he said. "If there is a God, why would He lower Himself and come to Earth as a man? That's ridiculous!" So she and the children left while he stayed home.

A bit later, the winds grew stronger and the snow turned into a blizzard. As the man looked out the window, all he saw was white - a blinding snowstorm. He sat down to relax before the fire for the evening when he heard a loud thump. Something had hit the window. Then another thump and another. He looked out again, but still couldn't see more than a few feet. When the snow let up a little, he ventured outside to see what could have been beating on his window. In the field near his house, he saw a flock of wild snow geese.

Apparently they had been flying south for the winter when they got caught in the snowstorm and couldn't go on. They were lost and stranded on his farm, with no food or shelter. They just flapped their wings and flew around the field in low circles blindly and aimlessly. A few of them had flown into his window, it seemed. The man felt sorry for these poor, beautiful creatures and wanted to help them. The barn would be a great place for them to stay, he thought. It is warm and safe; surely they could spend the night and wait out the storm.

He walked over to the barn and opened the doors wide, then watched and waited, hoping they would notice the open barn and go inside. But the geese just fluttered around aimlessly and did not seem to notice the barn or realize what it could mean for them. The man tried to get their attention, but that just seemed to scare them and they moved further away. He went into the house and came back out with some bread, broke it up, and made a trail of crumbs leading to the barn. They still didn't catch on.

Now he was getting frustrated. He got behind them and tried to shoo them toward the barn, but they only got more scared and scattered in every direction except toward the barn. Nothing he did could get them to enter the only safe and warm place around. "Why don't they follow me?!" he exclaimed. "Can't they see this is the only place where they can survive the storm?" Suddenly it dawned on him that they simply wouldn't follow a human. "If only I were a goose," he thought out loud, "then I could save them." Suddenly he had an idea.

He went into the barn and got one of his own geese. Carrying it in his arms, he circled around behind the flock of wild geese and carefully released it. His goose flew through the flock and straight into the barn. One by one the other geese followed it to safety. He stood silently for a moment as the words he had spoken a few minutes earlier replayed in his mind: "If only I were a goose, then I could save them!"

The prideful words he uttered to his wife just a couple hours ago came back like a punch in the chest. "If there is a God, why would He lower Himself and come to Earth as a man? That's ridiculous!" At that moment, for the very first time, Christmas made sense. We were lost and blind and dying. In the person of Jesus Christ, though, we finally had One to walk among us and show us the way.

As the winds died down and the blinding snow settled to the ground, the man's soul became quiet. He pondered this wonderful thought. Years of doubt and disbelief vanished like the passing storm. He fell to his knees in the snow and whispered his very first prayer: "Thank You, God, for coming in human form to show me the way!"

please remember

This is my favorite time of the year! I absolutely love Christmas. In fact, I’ve been known to break out the Christmas spirit (including music!) as early as September. I get caught up in the cold weather, the real Christmas tree and all the trouble it is to decorate, the garland and bows on the front porch, the wrapping of presents… It’s all just so beautiful and satisfying.

But, in a very sad way, this is also one of the most depressing times of the year! To a degree, I absolutely dread Christmas. Making the lists and then checking stuff off can be expensive and infuriating. Dealing with all the crazed shoppers is a scary task. So many people feel desperately lonely and sad. And all of us tend to forget what this glorious, national holiday is all about.

I honestly wonder what Jesus thinks of our American Christmas celebration. It’s full of parties, children’s musicals and gift giving, but does that matter? We busy ourselves with buying, spending and traveling, but is that what it’s all about? Please don’t misunderstand me. I do all of that too and even enjoy most of it, but it grieves me to know that we so quickly forget.

We forget that God created this spinning blue dot in the universe, formed our bodies from the dust and has numbered the hairs of our head. We forget that He joyfully chose to come to us as a human. We forget that Jesus’ entire earthly existence was an example of how to love, live and lead. We forget that Christmas can (and maybe should) be celebrated without the gifts, lights, trees, parties, movies, music, etc.

This year I want to remember. Remember what it’s all about. Focus on the incarnation of Jesus Christ. Center myself on His love for this sinful, evil world. Consider the fact that a tiny baby, born in a barn some 2000 years ago, transformed our world forever. This year I want to remember. And I want you too as well.

I’m not sure what you can/should do to remember. Different people do different things. My family has always had a tradition of reading the Christmas story together on Christmas morning. We end with the part about the wise men and their three gifts, then we give our little boy three (fairly inexpensive) gifts. Some families offer themselves in service of some kind to those less fortunate (i.e. serving in a soup kitchen, passing out gifts, etc.) A lot of churches have communion and/or prayer services to reflect upon. There are hundreds of creative and practical things we can do to curb this horrible tendency toward forgetfulness.

Please remember! God, help me remember. I’m going to give and receive gifts this year, but that’s not what it’s about. Help me remember that. We have a beautiful tree and lovely decorations again, but that’s not what it’s about. We’re going to travel a long way to see family, eat delicious food, listen to great music, go to worship services, etc., but even that is not what it’s about. Please, Lord, help us remember You. May all the traditions, every song and movie, all the family gatherings and stories, may it all reflect and remind and highlight You, Lord. And may we rediscover Your love for the world as a whole and for us as individuals. We love You too, Jesus! We love You too!

Holy Seed summarized

I can see it. I get it. I understand. But maybe because it’s been inside me for so long. I’ve had a long time to chew on it. And I know Carla gets it too. But that’s probably because I never stop talking about it. I’m always talking about and relating it to something else. For the rest of the world, though, that’s not the case. The whole concept is still pretty new. So, in an attempt to make sense out of a very broad and huge vision, I’m making a stab at it. I’m attempting to connect all the dots and tie it all together in a clear and concise way. This is what Holy Seed Community Church is all about.

For months and months, every time we gathered together, we talked about our core values. There are twelve (12) of them total, but they really fit within the framework of our three-fold mission. They help explain the mission. They describe the kind of atmosphere we’re trying to create and exist in. The danger in listing them is that it will just be a list. In reality and in practice, they are much more than a collection of buzz words. They are deeply held, primal beliefs. They are foundational to the way we relate to Jesus and to our culture. You can, of course, read more about each core value individually, but, as a group, here’s how they stack up within our three-fold mission of loving, living and leading like Jesus.

Loving like Jesus feels like:

• Community
• Grace
• Trust
• Worship

Living like Jesus feels like:

• Faithfulness
• Authenticity
• Transparency
• Stewardship

Leading like Jesus feels like:

• Creativity
• Unity
• Intentionality
• Family

Those core values are like the soil in which we grow. They keep us rooted and nourished so we remain healthy and strong. Our mission would flounder and feel very “pie-in-the-sky” without them. With them, though, our mission has power and influence. They make the mission real. They make it stick. They are necessary because the mission, by itself, is huge and unattainable.

Loving, living and leading like Jesus…that’s why we exist. That is our enormous mission from God. I liken it to a relational journey. You never know exactly where you’re going or who you’re going to meet. At times it’s a profoundly pleasurable experience. At other times it drives you to the brink of a nervous breakdown. And there is always deep mystery involved. We try to figure it all out and systematize everything, but deep down we know that’s impossible. We constantly mess up, take a wrong exit, misread a situation and/or hit the brakes. In the end, though, we press on because we have vision. We see something we want or need, something that’s right, good and pure. We push through all the pain and break through every wall because we know that it’s worth it all…in the end.

Holy Seed pushes through, presses on and perseveres because we were given a vision. God allowed us to see what could and should be. Our vision has not been turned into reality yet, but it will be someday. That’s why we were sent on the mission—to achieve the vision. And that’s why we hold so deeply to the core values—to fulfill the mission. But it all boils down to the beautiful, God-given vision. Vision will always be the bottom line. In our heads and in our hearts we can see it. When our imaginations are loosed, this is what we picture. When we dream, this is what it looks like.

• a swarm of individuals on mission every day in their homes, at the office, supermarket, coffee shop, etc
• a generation of children who know and follow the Godly example of their parents
• a group of husbands and wives whose marriages exemplify what it means to love and honor each other
• a host of families that are a beacon of hope and service to each other, their friends and their neighbors
• a network of churches throughout greater Seattle that work together for one purpose
• a unified people group whose art and passions are reflective of their Creator
• a whole city that cares more about holiness than happiness

Can you see it yet? Perhaps God’s dream is becoming your dream too? Our prayer is that others will catch this vision, join our mission, and hold to these core values. We honestly believe if that happens, the vision will become the reality.

jealous God

We’ve been married for 10 years! Carla and I celebrated a decade of marriage this past weekend with a wonderful trip to Leavenworth…alone! Oh, man, that was sure nice. It was so great to spend one-on-one time with just Carla. That’s been quite a challenge lately and I found myself really missing her.

Neither of us have ever been the jealous type, but we just earnestly missed each other. I tend to get caught up in my pastor role, doing church stuff. Carla tends to get caught up in her mommy role, doing house stuff. And like just about every other couple on the planet, we get sucked into the busyness of life and find ourselves longing for more husband/wife time. Simply because I love Carla so much, I can find myself feeling a little jealous. I would never be satisfied with only part of my wife. I don’t want half or even 99% of Carla. I love her so deeply, cherish every moment we get to spend together and always desire more. In that sense, I am a very jealous husband. And so is God.

We, the people of God, are called the Bride of Christ (check out Revelation 21). He is our Groom, our Husband. If we have chosen to love and follow Jesus, if we call ourselves “Christians,” we are married to Him. And we cannot fathom the depths of love He feels for us. He too cherishes every moment and always desires more. God is not satisfied with only part or even most of us. He wants all of us! He is a jealous God!

So what should this heavenly union look like? How do we ensure a good, strong marriage with God? Well, not to oversimplify, but let’s compare the heavenly relationship to the earthly.

• Carla and I are in constant communication, every day. In fact, to ensure that we’re really hearing each other well and making wise decisions together, we schedule regular family meetings. And there are no secrets in our marriage. She knows every detail of my life and I know every detail of hers—every one. How often do we communicate with God? What is the quality of those conversations?
• Carla and I make time to go on dates together. Yes, it can be difficult to set aside the time and money, but we do it because it’s a priority to us. Even a few hours alone together can be so refreshing. Do we ever set aside the time and money to spend one-on-one time with God? What are those “dates” with God like?
• Carla and I help each other. She’s actually better at this than I am, but we earnestly try to be one another’s best partner and biggest supporter. She is my right arm when it comes to anything church related. I lean on her almost to a fault. For my part, I try to help her with anything house related. We’re in this thing together. We’re a team. Are we on God’s team? Does He do all the work and we reap all the benefits? When was the last time we asked Him how we could help?
• Carla and I loved our anniversary trip. We’ve made a commitment to do that more often because we could immediately tell it was healthy for our marriage. It was a dedicated chunk of time where we could focus on each other. We both felt like we were back in college, dating. It was thrilling and rejuvenating. Do we ever dedicate an entire day or weekend to God? What would it look like to spend that much time with our heavenly Spouse?

When God gave us the Ten Commandments, He acknowledged that He was jealous (see Exodus 20:5). He let us know, right from the start, that He wants us completely, body and soul. He won’t be satisfied with anything else. And, lest we forget, He already gave Himself to us completely, body and soul. I wonder what we will give Him in return.

family

It takes a village to raise a child.

That used to be a powerful sentiment in our culture. It still is in a few places in the world, but not here. Unfortunately, I think it’s been demoted into some kind of past, pleasant ideal. We postmoderns are far too individualistic for such a concept. We do things our way and no one is going to impose their ideas on us! And the results are obvious and heartbreaking.

It’s always difficult to nail down hard statistics, but most polls report that the divorce rate in America is more than 50%. If you think that’s inflated, ask yourself this question: do I know any divorcees? How many? It’s sad. Connected to that fact, about a third of all children (under the age of 18) live with only one parent. They are desperately needing and missing the influence of either an ever-constant mother or father. Then there are the millions of kids that lack both. Perhaps they live with a grandparent, close relative or are being bounced around the foster care system. Certainly, some of these cases are legitimate due to a tragic death, etc. Most of them, however, are painfully unnecessary.

In the ancient nation of Israel, the focus was always on the next generation. The adults directed their energies toward teaching and passing along their faith in God. Why? Because they understood that their children were the hope and future of the entire nation! They did not have any kind of formal, educational degrees or youth ministry training. Yet everything they did was for the purpose of instilling the love and fear of God into their kids. And there were no church children’s pastors or youth leaders either. A child’s father and mother were his primary teachers, but every single adult felt the weight and responsibility to help raise the children. They were all expected and even required to minister to the children. We are missing that sense of family.

Even if we don’t have biological children of our own, we have a duty to spend time mentoring those who come behind and follow us. Some wonderful examples of this relationship in Scripture are Moses and Joshua, Eli and Samuel, Elijah and Elisha and, of course, Jesus and His twelve disciples. Most of the important lessons in life are not taught, but caught. We cannot learn them unless we have someone who will walk beside us, show us personally and help us learn through experience. We long for that environment of family.

And this responsibility is bigger than what we might normally designate as “family.” In reality it extends throughout our circles of influence. We can choose who we want to be in our family. What is adoption if not the choice to bring another precious life into one’s inner circle? In the Greek language, which the New Testament was written in, the key word was oikos, or household. Our household would certainly include blood relatives, but also close friends, neighbors and even coworkers. So many of our contemporary relationships are surface-level. We talk about the game last night or the upcoming American Idol season, but never discuss things of real worth like our marriages, feelings and inner struggles. We all crave that sense of family.

Now let’s not sugarcoat this. It’s not easy or quick. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Raising a family is extraordinarily messy. And I don’t just mean this in a literal, physical sense. Raising a family is emotionally messy, mentally messy, socially messy and spiritually messy. No book, seminar or conference can properly instruct. No one can ever be fully prepared. We learn as we go, through on-the-job training. There will be lots of mistakes and times where we’re tempted to throw our hands in the air, but we press on. We’re committed to working through the mess no matter what. We need that dedication of family.

God created and blessed the family unit at the very beginning of our story (Genesis 2). It was one of the first things He did. That must mean it’s important. Holy Seed Community Church is fiercely committed to family. We’re going to strive to be the best spouses, parents and friends possible. We’re going to raise Godly children (Holy Seed) and watch them grow toward Jesus. And, thankfully, we can do it together. On our own, we would fail miserably. The wise man or woman knows that it takes a village to raise a child.

intentionality

Plan your work and then work your plan.

What did you dream about as a kid? Did you want to be a pro ball player? Maybe you imagined yourself as president of the United States. Perhaps you wanted to sing to a packed Carnegie Hall. Well, did it happen? Did you accomplish those dreams?

That’s not fair, though, is it? We all have lofty dreams as children. Let’s be more realistic. What did you dream about as a young adult? In your late teens and early twenties, as you were deciding who you wanted to be for the rest of your life, how did you picture it? Did you want to live in this city and work in that field? Maybe you imagined a family and close friends. Perhaps you pictured yourself starting a company. Well, did it happen? Did you accomplish those dreams?

How many of us actually see our dreams come true? How many people experience the fulfillment of their deepest hopes and desires? Why do we so often find ourselves struggling just to hold on? Do you ever collapse in bed at the end of the day, wondering what the whole point was? Did anything of value even happen? Why?

I don’t mean to oversimplify the complex matrix that is life, but allow me to share an observation. I have met and talked with hundreds of people who share similar frustrations. They have so many hopes, desires and passions within. They imagine themselves being and doing so many wonderful things. They have great vision, but very little motivation. They have fantastic dreams, but hardly any initiative. They know where they want to be, but have no idea how to get there. In short, they lack a very important core value: intentionality.

Intentionality is strategic. In a military sense it means having the broad, overall view and knowing which pieces fit where and why. It’s having a plan of who is going to do what and when. And it’s flexible, having a contingency plan just in case the first one doesn’t work out.

Intentionality is premeditated. In a court of law we usually hear this word as a negative—something like premeditated murder. That means the action had been thought through. It means knowing what you’re getting into, counting the cost, preparing yourself for the future.

Intentionality is purpose-driven. It’s not some haphazard, shoot-from-the-hip move. It’s not random and without reason. It makes decisions and moves because it’s after something specific. There is a goal, an objective, a target in mind.

Intentionality knows how to set priorities. There are some things that are more important than others. That may not sound “fair,” but it’s certainly true. Some feelings may get hurt. Some distractions may get ignored. We say “no” to a lot of good things because we’re waiting for and working toward the best things.

Intentionality is very serious about opportunity. Because God/life refuses to be scripted and boxed in, we remain alert for the unknown. We allow for the mysterious, out-of-the-blue moments to seize. Many of these, of course, are to be rejected as a distraction. But some…some only come once in a lifetime.

Intentionality always speaks of direction. Life is a journey, a process. And every life is pointed somewhere, heading toward something or someone. Sadly, some are pointed directly toward selfish gain, unnecessary suffering or “the American dream.” Others add beauty, luster and joy to what is already there.

Would the above terms describe my life? Am I an intentional person? Are you? Certainly we’re not going to see all of our life goals and personal dreams come to fruition in one fell swoop. But we can begin today. We can start right now. We can make up our minds to take the first step toward our deepest desires, highest hopes and wildest dreams. Holy Seed Community Church is a place of intentionality. We are going to pursue the things of God with reckless abandon. We know what He has called us to and now we’re chasing it. We’re going to plan our work and then work our plan.

unity

Everyone is great at something.

Unity is similar to love in many ways. We all want it, but few ever really sustain it. It’s talked about constantly, but rarely pursued with passion. And it’s very misunderstood.

I’m always shocked at how many people think “unity” means “uniformity.” They just assume that the whole idea is born out of a very negative, don’t-be-who-you-are-but-change-into-this kind of philosophy. (You’ll just have to use your imagination for the mean authority figure shaking his/her finger at you.) Most people see the huge benefits of unity, but don’t fully buy into it because, well, they want to be who they are. They are a round peg and see a square hole; they don’t want to be forced into it. And for good reason!

Now, to be fair, there is a very serious discussion regarding sin and surrender that every person needs to have. Jesus invites us to come to Him just as we are. But we cannot stay that way. That is the vision behind the second phase of our mission statement—living like Jesus. But once we become Christians, once we surrender to Him and begin to follow His lead, once we launch out into leadership of our own, it’s a whole new ball game.

God made me unique. And He did it on purpose! He only wants one of me running around His creation. There has never been nor will there ever be a human being exactly like me. And the same is true of you. God deliberately made us with our own talents, abilities and skill sets. He doesn’t want us forced into something we’re not any more than we do. Thankfully, though, that’s not at all what unity is about.

Unity is about working together. It’s figuring out how our uniqueness—our own particular quirks and idiosyncrasies—can complement, bless and function within the overall Body of Christ. The Apostle Paul’s metaphor here is brilliant! We each only have one body, but that unified body is made up of different parts. Those parts each have unique characteristics and strengths that we are quite foolish to ignore. Have you ever tried to open a jar with your feet instead of your hands? Not easy. Ever try to eat lunch through your ears instead of your mouth? Not fun, nor satisfying…and really messy. We intuitively recognize that our different body parts do different things. And they have to work together in unity to accomplish even the slightest task like opening the closet door. Why, then, is it so hard for us to comprehend and appreciate unity in the Body of Christ?

To experience unity is to experience teamwork. We play off of and rely upon each other’s different abilities, but the goal is not a great individual stat sheet, but to win the game. To flow in unity is to flow in harmony. We each sing different notes and maybe even melodies, but can join those together to form one beautiful song. To know unity is to know motivation. Nothing pushes and drives us like seeing those close to us excel and thrive. To discover unity is to discover one’s spiritual gifts. It’s those God-given, in-born, supernatural talents that really set us apart as unique and cause us to be so valuable to the rest of the Body.

Unity is a very high standard to reach for, but Holy Seed Community Church is reaching anyway. We want to be known as a church that works together, with other churches, with government, etc. We don’t claim to be the experts on everything and never will. Nobody is great at everything, but everyone is great at something.

creativity

Imagine what could and should be.

Humankind is enormously creative. Just think about the progression of history and our past accomplishments. Consider all the things that used to be “impossible.” The invention of electricity, America’s interstate highway system, space travel and even possible habitation, the internet and its millions of uses…all these things testify to the creative power of human beings. It makes me wonder what the future holds. But most of us don’t stop to consider why or how we got to be so creative.

God is more that just enormously creative. He is infinitely creative! He’s creative to the infinite power!! No one could top Him!! In fact, when you think about God’s history and past accomplishments, ours look silly. Here are just a few. There are 350,000 different types of beetles. I could have named maybe two, but God created them all. Every year NASA discovers new stars and even entire galaxies that have always been there since the dawn of creation. My physical body has the unique ability to fight off infection, stretch and grow with age and/or diet, allow me to see, hear, feel and experience the world around me and even love and care for my family. Now that is creativity at its best.

Years ago I spent some time looking through the gospels to see how Jesus healed people. The result was nothing less that amazing…and hilarious. He was so fantastically creative! Jesus seems to revel in the variety of ways a person can be healed! Sometimes He would touch the person. Sometimes He just spoke. Once a lady was healed simply by touching one of the tassels from His robe. Once Jesus rubbed spit-mud in a blind man’s eyes and made him wash it off before he was healed. (That’s one of my favorites, by the way.)

Follow the logic here. Our Creator is creative and He created us in His image, therefore, we are also creative. But what does creativity look like? How do we follow Jesus in creative ways? How do we lead the world through creative methods? Well, there are literally hundreds of thousands of answers to that question. It could look as simple as a cup of cold water for a thirsty child. Or it could look as dramatic as a reformed national government.

To be creative means to be Spirit-led. God is the ultimate creative One. We just follow His lead. Creativity is risky. It inspires others. It fuels our imagination. To be creative is to think and work “outside the box,” to be resourceful, to be visionary. And it fleshes itself out everyday in a thousand human outlets. The real question is this: what does your Godly leadership look like? How do you exert your influence for the name, glory and renown of Jesus Christ?

Holy Seed Community Church has made a concentrated effort to look, act and be different. We want to be as creative as our Creator. We love to sit back and dream and discuss and brainstorm ways in which we can help transform our families, churches, communities and nation. And once you get a taste of creativity, it’s addictive. You love it! Try this: take ten minutes and a blank piece of paper and just imagine what could and should be.

perspective

Our little guy, Josiah, is his own person with his own perspectives. (That’s a pretty astute observation, huh!) His existence is the direct product of me and Carla, but that does not mean he is just like me and/or Carla. In fact, quite often what pleases Carla and I is completely devastating to Josiah. And the opposite is also true!

A few weeks ago Josiah was playing outside in his sand table. Now, he’s been told many, many, many times—MANY TIMES—not to take the sand out of the sand table. It does not belong in the nice, green grass! Well, you’ve already guess it, haven’t you. When we looked outside to check on precious little Josiah, he was not just dumping sand on the grass. No, no. He was joyfully and exuberantly flinging and spreading it everywhere! At least he was being fair, though…every blade got an allotment of sand. Josiah loved it! We did not. Then, when he got in trouble, he was crushed! We were not.

Poor little Josiah just couldn’t see things from his dad’s perspective. Our thoughts and ways are not his thoughts and ways. Hmmm. That sounds familiar. How often do I whine, complain and throw a holy fit because things don’t go my way? How often am I astounded, confused and frustrated because I couldn’t see things from my Dad’s perspective?

Sometimes things seem unpredictable, random or even cruel, but that’s only because we are limited, human beings. Quite frankly, we are horrible judges of our own circumstances. Especially in the moment, things might seem absolutely awful. But isn't it amazing how differently things look after a week, month, year or even a lifetime. Imagine how different it would look with the perspective of eternity!

One experience I often think about is the death of our firstborn, Isaac. He died at 19 weeks gestation and was still born. When I think about the experience of that ordeal, I thank God. I’m serious. I mean, we certainly didn’t want to go through that. We didn’t enjoy a single moment. But God was with us in a very special, powerful and gracious way. We learned and grew enormously through that pain. It wouldn’t have and couldn’t have come any other way. I’m very thankful for that.

As I look back on our first year of church planting, it seems very extreme. In our personal lives we experienced very high highs and very low lows. There didn’t seem to be much consistency. That’s pretty tough for two highly organized people! But that’s only my perspective from right now. I know I’ll see it differently as time passes.

Lately Carla and I have been trying really hard to have a more healthy and Godly perspective. Once again, we’ve been trying to let go. To allow the little things to be little. To not even allow the huge things to overwhelm and crush us. God has always been God. He will always be God. There is nothing that surprises or confuses Him. And we are His beloved kids. What could we possibly have to worry about?!

Of course, it doesn’t seem like that at the time. In the moment, from our human perspective, it seems awful. It looks terrifying and wrong. But we can’t see it all. We don’t have any idea what’s around the corner. We don’t have the foggiest clue of what else is happening around us. God sees it all and knows it all. His perspective is unlimited. Even our strict boundaries of time and space don’t apply to Him. That is amazing!

Even when I don’t see it, I’m okay. Even when I’m freaking out, I’ll trust. Even when I can’t believe, I’m going to believe. As the brilliant poet Steven Curtis Chapman sings:

God is God and I am not.

I can only see a part

of the picture He’s painting.

God is God and I am man.

So I’ll never understand it all.

For only God is God.

follow the leader

Did you ever play as a kid? It was always both exciting and interesting for me. It starts out simple enough. One rather boring kid leads everyone else through the field and down the slide. Another athletic one decides to hop on one foot and do a summersault. Then there’s always the obnoxious smart aleck. He starts out with a brisk trot by the rabid dog whose leash is frayed and stretched to its limit. After a fly-by of the principal’s office and a head slap of the football team, you end up diving for quarters in the pond behind the school. Ohhhh…don’t ask.

Anyway, follow the leader is a fascinating kid’s game for many reasons. Not only can you dissect and examine why certain kids lead certain activities, but you each get to take a turn. You’re not just a follower and you’re not just a leader. Each kid gets to experience both. And that’s a great, real-life lesson to learn.

The reality is that very few people are born leaders. I believe that true leadership is a gift from God. Not everyone has it. In fact, most people don’t. Only a handful is born to be strong, natural leaders. Certain leadership principles can be taught and learned, but no amount of training will transform a natural follower into a natural leader. However, at certain points and in certain ways, we all lead.

There is a big difference between the gift of leadership and the role of a leader. Like the game, we take turns in our various roles. At home we fill certain ones: spouse, parent, friend, counselor, etc. At work our roles probably look very different: employer, employee, salesman, troubleshooter, etc. You get the idea. We all function in a variety of roles in a given day, week or month. And many of those roles are leadership.

Picture this. You’re standing in line at a gas station waiting to pay. From nowhere in particular, you’re struck with a thought. “There’s a guy standing behind me in line. I should pay for his gas.” WHAT?! Where in the world did that come from?! As you stand there arguing with yourself, you realize it might not have been your idea at all. What if God is speaking to you? What if He just issued a command? What if He, as the leader, just dove in the pond and invited you to follow? What do you do?

Dozens of things just like that happen on a daily basis. The question is: how often do we follow the leader? How often do we take some initiative of our own and lead those around us? Do we even recognize the influence we have been given? See, the thing is, even though we might fill a leadership role, we’re not really leading at all, are we. God is the only real leader. We’re always following Him. Where He goes, I follow. What He says, I repeat. Whatever he does, I copy.

From a human perspective, I might appear to be a leader, but really I’m a follower just like everyone else. I have just chosen to follow God instead of another man. And in doing so, I am leading those who look to me. I guess in a way I’m filling two roles at the same time. I’m leading other people, but I’m following the example of Jesus Christ. Wouldn’t it be cool if we could all do that? Boy, what a difference we could make in that role: followers of Christ; leaders of men.

stewardship

It’s not about me.

The name Denethor might not mean much to you. If you’re a Lord of the Ring nerd like me, maybe. But if you’ve seen the movies and/or read the books, I’ll bet you remember the character. Denethor was the steward of Gondor, living in the city of Minas Tirith. And do you know why he is so memorable. Because he was horrible!

The line of kings had run out. No one was wearing the crown at Minas Tirith. But someone had to be in charge. Leadership is always necessary. So, in the absence of the king, Denethor was chosen to be the steward. It was his responsibility to see that the people of Gondor were taken care of. There was no strict job description. There was just one rule: rule well. Be a good steward. Unfortunately, he wasn’t. He only cared for himself. He tried to please himself, bring himself more power, influence and pleasure. He hated the thought that he wasn’t in complete control. Denethor believed it really was about him.

Stewardship really isn’t complicated. It’s a big word with various meanings. I suppose that makes it a bit intimidating and complex to some. But really it’s not. Like Denethor, we have been chosen. In the absence of the King, we have been given responsibilities. And there is no exhaustive list of “dos” and “don’ts”. It’s quite simple: rule well. Be a good steward. Well, are we?

See, it’s very important we realize that ultimately we don’t call the shots. In the long run, we’re not in charge. This is not about me. We are simply stewards of the Master. To view life any other way is extremely short sighted and naïve. Our talents, skills, gifts and abilities were given to us by the Master. Are we good stewards of them? Our money, investments, portfolios and credit cards? Gifts from the King. Even our family, health, time, attitudes—everything you can think of—it’s not ours at all. It all belongs to Him. We are stewards of that which is His. Are we doing well? Do you think He is pleased?

Let’s not be so negative, though. Denethor is an example of a very poor steward. He only thought of himself. He forgot the fact that there was a King out there waiting to settle accounts. Let’s focus on a very good steward. Let’s find someone to emulate. There are many, certainly, but the first one that comes to my mind is a tiny little woman we came to know as Mother Teresa.
A good steward is others-centered. Mother Teresa never thought of herself first, but others. She wasn’t thinking of her own comfort and pleasure when she opened up a home for the dying in Calcutta, India. A good steward is generous. Nothing really belonged to Mother Teresa. She freely and joyfully gave to anyone who had need. A good steward is also benevolent. Mother Teresa didn’t just give money or food or medicine. She gave herself. Her greatest gift was her own heart. A good steward is accountable. This amazing sister in Christ knew that she was doing the Master's work and would answer to Him some day. And, finally, a good steward is passionate. Our Master graciously allows us to follow our deepest passions. Clearly, Mother Teresa truly loved and cherished the poor, sick and dying. Even into her last days, they were the focus of her prayers, thoughts and actions.

My life isn’t actually mine at all. I am living as a steward of God almighty. Everything that I am and know and say and feel…it’s all for the Master. And this church will be the same. Holy Seed Community Church is a gathering of stewards. We all serve the same Lord and pursue the same destiny. Our entire existence is to bring glory, honor and praise to Jesus Christ. This is all about Him. It is not about me.

transparency

Something may be personal, but never private.

I’ll bet you don’t like that statement. You probably don’t even agree with it at first. It goes against the grain of our human nature. See, we’re sinful, selfish people. And we like to think that we’re in control of our own lives. We think our issues are, well, ours. And we like to think that certain things are public and certain things are private. And if our private issues are ever addressed…if someone dares to poke around in “my” business…back up, Jack!

But God isn’t scared of our rage. And He isn’t intimidated by our threats. And (this may hurt a bit) He isn’t terribly concerned about our temporary happiness. See, this isn’t about you. And it’s not about me. This is all about Him. We exist for His glory, not our own. And the way we live is a reflection of who we serve. If we choose to serve a loving and kind God, we are loving and kind people. If we choose to serve our sinful and selfish egos, well…

If you would be honest with yourself (and God), you are pretty messed up. Even if you’re a follower of Jesus and have been for years, you are pretty messed up. Every one of us is dreadfully and chronically ill with sin. We try to stay away from it, but we can’t. We work hard and discipline our bodies to do the right things and think the right thoughts, but we fail. Over time we certainly do mature and grow and get better, but we never “arrive.” We never achieve sinlessness. So, the secret is this: stop pretending.

Transparency is all about being open, honest, simple and confessing. It means we stop acting like we have it all together. We cease the performances. We take off the masks. We allow the light of God to shine into and through our lives, driving away the dark prison of sin. It is intimately connected with our core value of authenticity, but with an important difference. Authenticity means knowing ourselves. Transparency means showing ourselves. It’s one thing to know our sin exists. It’s a whole different matter to willingly expose it.

And let’s not be naïve or foolish about it—not everyone needs to know everything. We would be complete morons to parade our deepest, darkest sins to the neighborhood. There is a time and a place for everything. But we all—each and ever one of us—need to find and use that time and place.

You know what I’ve never seen? A good secret. A healthy, helpful secret. We keep our secrets because we’re ashamed of them. We’re embarrassed and humiliated by some of the things we’ve said and done and become. And we think that if we can just keep them to ourselves, maybe they’ll go away. Maybe we’ll miraculously heal on our own. Maybe God will fix it all on His own. Of course, God will forgive us. He’s the only one capable of the forgiveness of sin. But we have some work to do also. If we really want healing, if we really want freedom, if we really want to live like Jesus, it requires a life of transparency.

Who do you know deeply enough to talk to about anything? No, I mean anything?! What person(s) in your life has permission to walk up to you and say, “What’s wrong with you? Something is not right.” Who loves you enough to be bold and honest, yet still loving and gracious? Holy Seed Community Church is that kind of place. It’s an environment of safety and trust that’s filled with flawed, sinful people. We expose our junk not to gloat or compare, but to share the journey and find true, lasting healing. We dare not try to hide our real selves because, well, in the long run it’s not possible anyway. Eventually you realize that something may be personal, but never private.

new season

God spoke to us very clearly. It happened late Monday night, September 1st. Carla and I had already crawled into bed and turned out the lights. We thought it was time for sleep, but the Holy Spirit had other plans. It didn’t begin with any kind of excitement. Carla asked me a harmless, rather generic question. But, for a number of reasons, I began to unpack a lot of spiritual and emotional mess. I was able to articulate and verbalize some deep, inner feelings and thoughts that I had only vaguely sensed for an entire year. It was like a light came on in my spirit and I could finally recognize my surroundings. I told Carla (and God) about how difficult and trying the past year has been. I confessed my doubts, fears and struggles. Whew! I felt better after that. I closed my eyes very peacefully and assumed we could now get some rest. Wrong again. Carla sat up in bed. Now God had something to say.

September 1st marked the one year anniversary of our move from Tennessee to Washington. It had been exactly one year ago, to the night, that we experienced our own spiritual “D-Day.” God had already warned us about this experience. We knew what we were in for! More than two years ago He told us that, like Jeremiah, we would begin this new journey with uprooting and tearing down (1:10). Now, we assumed this was the uprooting and tearing down of the religious spirit and false assumptions of the people of Seattle. Right?! We were going to come sweeping in here, like wonderful little heroes, and, as always, fix it all. We were the blessed saints of the real faith that these poor heathens always needed. We simply had to uproot and tear down their ideas and give them the truth. Well, that wasn’t exactly it. We misinterpreted the message. Maybe that’s happening in some senses, but upon reflection it seems that the uprooting and tearing down was mostly about us.

Quite frankly, I am utterly astounded at how much of this experience has centered around us. Weren’t we coming here to minister to?! This wasn’t supposed to be about us! Yet, it has been. Over and over again God has uprooted our false assumptions, torn down our pride and our ideas and our plans. Carla and I have found ourselves, on many occasions, at the absolute end of our rope. It’s has been a brutal death match on so many levels: physically sick, emotionally lonely, spiritually confused and stuck. We have come to the end of a very difficult year as much more humble, contrite, broken and prayerful people. And we thank the Lord.

But that season is over. God told us. Through Carla, He spoke to both of us. The uprooting and tearing down has come to an end. Not that we’ll never experience it again. Not that we won’t see traces of it as one season naturally bleeds into the next. But, as a whole, it’s over. It’s time for a new mindset and a new perspective.

The next phase, according to Jeremiah 1:10, is to “destroy and overthrow.” We don’t know what that means exactly, but we do know it’s different. Thank God it’s different! For several weeks we have sensed it was time for a shift. We even made the monumental decision to meet more often and in the mornings instead of evenings. That was huge for us! Now, God has confirmed the hugeness of it all. That decision was in obedience to this new season, this new phase of the journey. And I have a feeling…my gut just tells me…year two is going to blow us all away! YES LORD!!!

authenticity

What you see is what you get.

I am an active member of the most cynical generation that has ever walked the earth. Well, at least it seems that way. My peers and I have the astonishing ability to find something wrong with anything. We could spot the negative in a cloudless summer day. In fact, I was recently talking to a guy who was complaining about the heat of summer and the cold of winter…in the same sentence!

This might be a bit of a stretch, but it’s my attempt at being positive, okay. I want to find something good about my cynicism and negativity. If there’s anything that can be gained from such skepticism, it would be this: we crave that which is authentic. We have such a passionate disdain toward anything fake or untrustworthy, we will line up to see, touch and experience that which is real, dependable and accurate. Thus, Jesus shows up and transforms the way we live. Thus, the Church of Jesus has a powerful opportunity to truly influence society.

In today’s culture, there is very little you can immediately count on. How often do you find yourself meeting a new person or using a new product or seeing a new advertisement and intuitively trusting him or it or them? How often do you really think to yourself, “What you see is what you get.” Rarely, right? I know I’m not alone in this boat. Instead, we’re looking for what’s hidden, reading between the lines, waiting for the catch. My generation is desperately yearning for the authentic.

But how can we be authentic when we don’t know who we are? How can we be true to ourselves (and, therefore, others) unless we like and accept ourselves (and, therefore, others)? I have sadly observed that most people really don’t know themselves at all. And, what’s more, they’re petrified to find out! Do you know anyone like that? Have you met those people who are uncomfortable with deep conversation, quiet settings, worship experiences, their own skin? Maybe you are one of those people. What are we so afraid of?

At some point we all have to face our junk. Eventually our past catches up to us. And the key is to stop running. If we will only muster up the courage to turn and face our history, we will discover a miracle. For in the middle of that pain and suffering and mess, there is also grace and joy and peace. Jesus is there. God will meet us. We can find healing…if only we’re willing to endure the discomfort. We can find true life…if only we’re brave enough to be honest.

Children don’t seem to have a problem with authenticity, do they? They are brutally honest about how they’re feeling, what they want and who they are. You always know where you stand with a child. And Jesus seems to like that. In fact, He pushes us to be more like them (read Mark 10:13-16)! How different would your life be if you stopped playing the games? What a change it would make if we could take off the masks? Freedom! Satisfaction! Life! Real life!!!

I can’t stand the fake. It sickens me. So, I’ve dedicated myself to being authentic. That means I’m going to face up to my past—both victories and defeats. I’m going to be real, dependable and accurate as a human being. And we’re going to be that kind of church community too. Holy Seed Community Church is going to be an authentic gathering of believers. We will certainly make mistakes and most definitely don’t have all the answers. We’re just a rabble of misfits who are trying to live like Jesus. After all, what you see is what you get.

faithfulness

It’s not about perfection, but persistence.

At first, that may sound a little patronizing. It might have the ring of a little league coach who’s trying to encourage that one kid who could not catch the fly ball. (That was me, by the way.) But I can assure you that the above statement is not patronizing in the least. In fact, it is an amazing word of grace that compensates for our uniquely human ability to completely destroy everything that’s good and right in the world. There. Is that better now?

Even if you don’t like the movies, you certainly know the story of Rocky. He is the stereotypical American hero. He’s the down-and-out, poor, average Joe who decides to change his whole destiny by becoming a boxer. Quite frankly, he isn’t very good. He is continually getting the snot beat out of him! But he has this one quality that makes all the difference. There is one personality trait that separates him from all the rest of the boxers. He will not stay down! No matter how hard you hit him and how many times he falls, Rocky is going to keep getting up and coming at you. He is tenacious, gritty, tough. Rocky knows all about faithfulness.

Rocky sure wasn’t perfect. I mean, it wouldn’t be a good movie if he was, right? But it’s not about perfection. It’s about persistence. I’m not perfect either. I hope this statement doesn’t shock you, but you are not perfect either. None of us are. I mean, life wouldn’t be very interesting or exciting if we were, right? But, thank God, He doesn’t expect us to be perfect. He didn’t create us perfect. He created us “good” (check the story in Genesis 1). None of us will ever reach perfection. Stop beating yourself up over that fact! Instead of being discouraged and feeling depressed, change your perspective. God doesn’t want you to walk through life without ever tripping up and falling down. Instead, He wants all of us to learn to get up, dust ourselves off, hopefully figure out what tripped us in the first place, and keep going.

Since faithfulness is so difficult to define and understand, we’ve found it helpful to throw in a couple synonyms. Words like “consistency” and “integrity” help us get a picture of what faithfulness might look like. A faithful person understands the weight of and is driven by his/her "responsibility." The last one, which is actually a phrase, is my favorite picture: “life of honor.” To me, that phrase conjures up images of Arthur and Lancelot. I see medieval knights fighting vicious dragons and Aragorn battling the evil Sauron. It seems that the men and women of these stories had a true sense of honor. They did the right thing because, well, it was right. It wasn’t about looking good or fitting in or being politically correct. That is faithfulness.

Taken literally, God is the only One truly faithful. He is the only One who can always be counted on. His is the only word that will never fail. And I want to be like Him. I want to follow that example. Holy Seed Community Church is a place of faithfulness. We’re going to model our lives after Jesus, the Son of God, the ultimate Faithful One. No, we’re not going to be perfect like Him. Yes, we are going to make mistakes unlike Him. But that’s okay. When we fall down, when we sin, when we mess up, we’re going to get up. Even if we fall 100 times, we will get back up 101 times. After all, it’s not about perfection, but persistence.

longing

In my faith community, we are currently talking about the transition from loving like Jesus to living like Jesus. Those are the first two elements of our mission statement (love, live, lead). And as we make that move from love to live, I find myself thinking about my chronic dislike for church in general.

In my estimation, it seems that most church leaders (at least in my Pentecostal tradition) put their primary emphasis on living like Jesus. Now, that sounds great from the outside, right? But when you get into it, it’s a life of guilt, condemnation and struggle. Most of these messages lack the grace, mercy and love of Jesus. They come across sounding like, “God is mad at you for doing this and that and for not doing such and such! If you don’t turn your life around right now you’re headed to hell!”

Isn’t that what so many of us believers have always cringed from? Don’t you think that’s why so many unbelievers resist the Church? Instead of hugging their necks, we’re slapping their hands. Jesus never said or even implied that we have to live like Him before we are loved by Him. Life transformation is His job and it typically begins after we surrender to His grace and forgiveness and compassion—His love.

On the opposite extreme, however, is a very liberal group that claims to be followers of Jesus Christ, yet look nothing like Him. They don’t resemble even a hint of the holiness and righteousness that we see modeled in the Scriptures. They allow basically any behavior, dance around very serious issues of sin and practice “tolerance” in the most blatantly immoral sense of the word.

Isn’t there something more to the Christian life? Did Jesus really die just so I would have the freedom to live any way I please? This life of “mine” is not really mine at all. It’s not about me…or any human…or any group of humans, for that matter! We don’t exist to pursue the American dream. And bigger is not always better. The way we live is supposed to be modeled after the way Jesus lived. And we are supposed to reflect the life and way of God our Father, Creator of the heavens and the earth. (That includes you and me, by the way!)

I have two longings deep within that seem to be at odds with one another. They have been with me my entire life although I wasn’t able to articulate them until college or beyond. And from the countless conversations I’ve had with other disciples of Jesus, they seem to be universal. I think we all deeply and powerfully feel these two longings. And we really aren’t sure how to handle them or what to do about them.

The first is a longing to measure up. I want to matter. I want to have a purpose and a reason. I don’t want to feel insignificant and small. I don't want to feel like an accident. I want to know, deep down, instinctively, that I am vital to someone, somewhere. I want to be important and valuable…priceless even. Basically, I want to experience true love.

The second longing is for more. I want to grow and mature and get better. I intuitively know that there is a higher and better existence out there that I want, but can't quite reach. I don’t want to make the mistakes of yesterday or last year or even of my spiritual predecessors. I strive and try and push and work. Basically, I want to experience true life.

Don’t those two longings seem to contradict each other? It sounds like I want to be loved just for who I am. It shouldn’t matter what kind of life I live. I am loved, period. On the other hand, though, I want more than that. I want to grow out of my infancy and develop into the man I have always known I was created to be. But I usually fall short. Which leads to feelings of insignificance and emptiness. Which makes me want to quit trying. It’s a vicious cycle, huh.

I think Jesus addresses both of my deep, inner longings. I’m still figuring out how it all works together. But He seems to be loving me even though I don’t measure up. He even helps me grow and develop and move on. He also seems to be urging me away from the good and toward the best. He has a higher standard for me. It’s not that He will stop loving me if I stumble and fall…again. It’s just that He wants the best for me.

Maybe God Himself has those two longings. We are created in His image, after all. Maybe He wants us to love Him no matter what. And maybe He wants us to follow His lead even though it’s hard and we fail a lot. Maybe the tension between the two is not only good, but necessary. Like a rubber band, maybe the two longings hold us together. Maybe it makes the whole thing work. Maybe…

space

I grew up in the church growth movement. I read and heard lots of church leaders talk about how God wants to increase the numerical size of our churches. Many of them said things like, “build the biggest building you can and God will fill the space.” There is some truth to that. It even worked for some churches. I believe the primary idea behind this philosophy is that God is waiting for us to make room. When we actively make room for Him to work and move, quite often He will do just that. Lately, though, I’ve been wondering about the space not in our churches, but in our lives.

It has been said that there is always more that can be done than should be done. Each of us has a unique calling upon our lives. Usually, though, that unique, specific calling is, at best, blurred or, at worst, erased by the “tyranny of the urgent.” What would happen if we all focused ourselves only on what we feel like God has called us to and said a kind but firm “no” to everything else? I find myself breathing very heavily after mulling over that question. What about all the stuff that doesn’t get done? Who’s going to make sure the details are covered? Do I really trust God? No, really?! Is all that other stuff my concern, my jurisdiction, my calling? Or have I just adopted it over time? What makes me think I have to worry about what people think? Why do I feel such intense pressure to please everyone else? How can I possibly expect to have peace and joy when I carry the responsibility for so much? Have I created any blank, empty space in my life for God to fill?

My first priority in life is to be a child of God and pursue relationship with Him. It’s been said so many times that I’m afraid it’s now a cliché. But that doesn’t make it less true. How much time do I give God on a daily basis? How much of my energy goes into that first and foremost relationship? In comparison, how much time do I spend reading emails or watching television in a day? How much of my energy goes into thinking about ministry for God instead of time with God? I don’t want to swing the pendulum over to the legalistic side of faith, but I do think it’s important to wrestle with these issues.

My second priority is to be a husband and father and pursue relationship with my family. I can say they are second only to God all I want, but do they feel that? Do they know it deep down? How does one juggle the importance of time with family alongside the numerous other opportunities that seem to come from God (i.e. friendships, work, hobbies, etc.)? What happens when those conflict? Who wins? How often?

I want to create space in my life. I want to have the freedom to spontaneously go for a drive or stop to watch the bug cross the parking lot with my little boy. I’m tired of feeling rushed and stressed. I’m tired of the pressure to perform. I want to find true rest and peace in the strong arms of God. If I intentionally create this kind of space, and then refuse to refill it with other stuff, I believe God will fill it with Himself. More of You, God, and less of me! It's all for You. It's all for You. I'm letting go. I'm letting go.

copy cat

I have this picture of Josiah and me. It’s one of my favorites. We went to Picnic Point beach one day just to play. It’s a rocky beach, which he loves. I honestly think he could stand at the water’s edge and throw stones for hours if we let him. Well, on this day, Carla captured a wonderful moment.

See, Josiah has this thing about his dad, which I love. He wants to be just like me. He sees and follows just about everything I do. He’s a little copy cat. In a way it’s a really scary thing. I’m not all that good, you know. Just because I’m a pastor doesn’t mean I know what I’m doing in life. I mess up and am weak just like everyone else. What if Josiah sees and follows that example?! There are times that I’m terrified of him being a copy cat. But that’s my issue. Well, one of them at least. On this day at the beach it was beautiful and memorable.

That morning he even wanted to dress like daddy. I was wearing blue jeans, sneakers, and an orange t-shirt with a black jacket over it. So, guess what he needed to wear? Yup. Even down to the orange t-shirt. Precious. Then, when we got to the beach, he wanted dad to throw rocks with him. He is still pretty young at this point so I was helping him out a little. “Okay, hold the rock with this hand and then pull your arm all the way back…” I didn’t even know Carla was back there until she had taken several pictures.

There’s something special about this candid shot. It’s an amazing image of a little boy and his father. The boy is a copy cat. The son looks like his dad not only because of the family resemblance, but in his dress. But he’s also copying his action. They’re standing the same way. They’re holding the same thing. They’re facing the same direction. They have the same intent. The only difference (except for the size, of course) is the little glance. The boy is shooting a little glance over at his dad. He’s watching him. He’s copying him. He wants to know exactly what dad is doing. Why? Well, because he wants to do it too!

I love that picture because I’m the dad in it. But I also love it because I’m the son in it. In that image, I see me and Jesus. That’s how I see my Heavenly Father. I want to be just like Him in every possible way. It’s not enough to simply be where He is and do what He does. I want to look and feel and smell and sound like Him. As one of my favorite musical artists, Warren Barfield, sings, “I want to be mistaken for Jesus.”

The day is coming when Josiah won’t copy cat his dad anymore. (As former youth pastors, Carla and I are painfully aware of this teenage reality. We’re bracing ourselves for that day.) But hopefully he’ll keep one thing front and center. I pray he copies one thing to the letter. I hope and pray that he follows me as I follow Jesus. When it comes to our Father in heaven, I hope we all turn out to be phenomenal copy cats.

becoming

Have you ever read or heard something that just grabbed you? It’s almost as if you can’t get away from it. I ran across a discussion several months ago like that. It was in the blog of a very prominent professor, believe it or not, when he was asked some questions about homosexuality. He turned the dialogue into a more general discussion of sin as a whole. Every single one of us, he said, is invited by Jesus to come to God. And we’re invited to come exactly as we are. We do not need to fix ourselves up first (as if we could even if we wanted to). However, none of us are invited to stay exactly as we are. God loves us too much to leave us in our sin.

Come as you are, but don’t stay that way.

Wow. Even now the phrase feels loaded. It has such simplicity and also such depth. I just can’t get away from it.

Last night our community of faith talked about this idea, this phrase. It can be very difficult to openly confront. Let’s be honest: none of us like to told what to do, or where to go, or how to think. Especially here on the West Coast, we are extremely independent. Our great grandparents journeyed along the Oregon Trail in wagons because they were tough, strong-willed individuals. And that mentality has been passed down as a sort of cultural ethos. It’s who we are. “I don’t need anyone or anything. I can make it on my own!”

But that’s not the message of Scripture. And I think if we’re honest with ourselves, that philosophy of life carries some serious problems. See, there comes a point when we realize we need other people. Maybe it takes a tragic car accident or horrifying doctor’s report to prove it. But eventually you realize you can’t do this thing on your own. And we don’t have to “be our own boss” long to recognize that we don’t make the greatest of decisions all the time. Maybe it takes mistaking a partner’s intentions or a temporary lapse in judgment to finally get it. But it is going to happen. We’re not very good at being in control. And actually, that’s kinda the point!

You look like Jesus. Did you know that? The very first book of the Bible, Genesis, affirms that we were each created in the image of God. We look like Him! We are to be His ambassadors and representatives on earth. The problem is, the image looks fuzzy on most of us. Sin has clouded that beautiful picture so that it’s hardly even recognizable in most Christians. To a very large degree, that’s the purpose of discipleship. In our journey with Jesus, we are becoming more and more like Him. Every day we are transformed into a truer image of who we were originally created to be. We’re not there yet, but we’re on our way.

The homosexual is not the only one who needs to change. In fact, let’s just give that a break for awhile. Yes, I believe it’s a sin. But why do we have to hammer on it? Pastors need to change too, you know. How many preachers are morbidly obese? Why don’t we talk about the sin of gluttony? How many of us struggle with our pride on a daily basis? Can we address the destructive issues of gossip, pornography and workaholics? We all need to allow Jesus to transform our lives and help us become who we need and want to be. It doesn’t matter if we work for Starbucks or Disney or Walmart. We come to Jesus exactly the way we are…but we don’t stay that way.

I am in the process of becoming. So are you. Some of us are fighting that process more than others, though. Maybe today we can relax a bit more. Maybe we can trust God. He created us after all. Maybe He knows what He’s doing.

growin' up

I feel strangely proud of myself today. That’s not the only emotion coursing through me, to be sure. But it is one of them. And I think that’s a good thing.

We had to cancel our gathering last night. Josiah has been feeling sick for the past several days. We thought he was over it until about 3:00 yesterday afternoon. I’ll try not to give too many gory details, but did you ever see The Exorcist? Remember the scene where vomit comes erupting out of seemingly every orifice of that child?! Okay, maybe it wasn’t quite that bad, but we definitely felt like we couldn’t have a group of people come into our home when we have an obviously sick toddler. Well, I just felt terrible about having to cancel.

We already had to miss 2 weeks in a row! Yesterday made it 3 in a row! Most pastors will tell you that’s deadly to a congregation. But what else could we do?! So, we put Josiah back to bed (he had been napping until “the incident”) and got on the phones. I called all those we knew were coming and broke the news. As I talked to them I felt so disappointed, but they were very gracious. Especially those who have their own children. They understood completely.

That’s when the proud-of-myself part happened. I did not break down into a pitiful heap and whine! (Unfortunately that’s been known to happen in the past when I don’t get my way.) I moved on! We cleared away all the stuff that was going to be used that night and I began to prepare some dinner while Carla had the joy of cleaning all the nasty clothes. Believe it or not, we enjoyed a great meal together full of smiles and laughter. After dinner I even got to play “tennis ball” with Josiah and Carla for about a half hour before we put him to bed a few minutes early.

I guess the bottom line is this: I feel like I’m growin’ up. Considering the circumstances, I think I handled myself pretty well. Compared to my past history of freak outs, this was great. For years I have longed to have a deep, inner sense of peace and joy no matter what the circumstances. This feels like a taste of that.

For all you Meyers Briggs folk out there, I’m an INTJ (Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging)…heavy on the J. I am not the kind of person that typically handles surprises and disappointment and last-minute changes very well. I’m a planner—an organizer. I like all my ducks to be in a row. Don’t mess with my ducks, man! But God has been. He has intentionally and consistently scattered my ducks with His shotgun blasts. And this past year or so has been a good hunting season for Him.

But maybe I’m finally growin’ up. Maybe I’m finally getting it. Maybe I’m finally learning to trust in God, depend on God and rest in God. I’m usually really hard on myself (and others, for that matter), but last night and this morning feels different…in a very good way. I’m still disappointed we couldn’t meet. I’m a little anxious about next week. But I’m also excited. My Father is pleased with me. While that’s always true, I’m not usually pleased with myself. This morning I am. I’m patting myself on the back today. It feels good.

the heavenly screenwriter

I sure would have scripted it differently. From my vantage point, He made an awful lot of poor decisions. But hey, I’m just the copy boy. He is the Screenwriter.

God has made some interesting choices with my life. I might have guessed that I would go to college in Tennessee, but never thought I would spend 13 years in the Bible Belt. My parents may have told you I would be a minister some day, but not a church planter in Greater Seattle. I always assumed I would get married some day, but certainly not to a southern belle from North Carolina. What happened along the way? How did we get here?

God doesn’t work through a committee and typically doesn’t take suggestions. (Although there are a couple very interesting stories to serve as exceptions. Check out the story of Hezekiah in 2 Kings 20. Whoa.) There have been many times I tried to gently nudge God in the “right” (aka my) direction. It never works. For some reason He just doesn’t seem convinced that I know what I’m talking about.

This past weekend the family and I were guests at another church's Missions Festival. They were celebrating, honoring and reaffirming their commitments to the missionaries they support. We are blessed enough to be counted among them. All weekend, as I spoke to the people, and thought about the situation I found myself in, I couldn't help but feel awestruck. I never would have imagined this life course. I'm not even sure how we got here. But here we are. And I'm so grateful.

Do you remember the old Garth Brooks song “Unanswered Prayers?” The final line of the chorus in that great song says “some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.” Man, am I ever glad God doesn’t listen to me! I asked for so many foolish things and would have ended up in all the wrong places with all the wrong people. If I had been given the opportunity to write the script for my own life it would have been a train wreck. Thankfully God loves me enough to not give me my own way. Instead, as the heavenly Screenwriter, He does what He knows is best and allows me to catch up when I can. Thank you, Lord!

united

When I finished writing my last entry (voices) I immediately thought about unity. Unfortunately, I think it will be very easy to misunderstand the point. If we all hear from God, if we all get our orders from the Commander-In-Chief, we’re not going to be in competition, but in communion.

When there is one Commander-In-Chief with one plan giving the orders, everything fits together. Of course, this is messy when it gets fleshed out with very fallible, weak humans. What about the people who think they’re hearing from God when, in fact, they’re deceiving themselves? Quite frankly, some people just want what they want. What about the people who are blatantly lying and know they’re lying? To put it bluntly, some people are just mean. Everything does not fit together nice and neat. So how do we explain that?

Honestly, I'm sure. I don’t have all the answers. I have discovered, however, that God is not nice and neat either. I cannot explain Him and certainly don’t understand Him. I think that’s a huge part of the problem with Christianity. Most think our faith should be studied and understood and explained like some kind of mechanical structure. We think if we can just work hard and/or long enough, we’ll understand God the way we understand how an engine works or what quantum physics explains or what that black wisp of death is on Lost.

But God is a being—a living organism that we are in relationship with. I have accepted the fact that I will never fully understand my wife. After 12 years together I get surprised and confused...all the time. And she’s a human, I think. Just kidding! (Actually, I'm far more confusing that she most of the time.) The point is that we husbands cannot hope to be fully in tune with our wives. We run on different operating systems. (I'm still not sure, though, if she's the Mac and I'm the PC or...) But we work hard to listen and communicate anyway. We are dedicated to each other for the long haul regardless. How much more so is that true with the immortal, all-powerful God?!

Our relationship with Him is infinitely complex, yet He is there and we are there. He has invited us not only to relate to Him, but to truly relate to others in unity. We don’t have to be satisfied with the surface-level junk we’ve become so accustomed to. We can have intimacy with the God of the universe and His creation. We can learn to love each other and live in harmony even though we often disagree. We can learn how to fight honorably and work through our issues.

God has very often spoken to me through other humans. I look for and expect that to happen. But, on the other hand, my fellow humans have also often led me in the complete opposite direction. I suppose the real issue is discernment. If we are really God’s sheep, we really do hear His voice. Sometimes He speaks to us through others, sometimes through nature, sometimes through a movie, music, or even a random email forward. But quite often I find that He is dying to personally whisper right in my ear if only I will take the time and energy to seek Him and listen attentively.

The Body of Christ is beautiful beyond comparison. I’m so thankful to be one part. I pray often that we will all strive to be the best part we can. We need each other desperately. And we need to all obey what the Head tells us.

voices

I want to be clear from the start: we were created to live in community. An individual cannot and should not attempt to live in isolation. We were wired to exist together and need to seek opportunities to connect and be intimate with at least a few other people on a regular basis. However, everybody has their own opinion…

One of the miracles of being a Christian is our inner ability to tune into the Holy Spirit. It is the often “still small voice” that speaks and guides us, comforts and chastises us. It is the supernatural capacity to know what steps to take and when. It’s not that God makes us walk down this path or talk to that person, but we, as Christians, can know…just know…that God is there. The problem is that everybody thinks they’re hearing from God. And everybody has their own ideas of what’s right and what’s wrong. And all these other voices can very quickly and very easily drown out the voice. Hence, the confusion.

I have always been (and always will be) a believer in getting wise council. But who is wise? Who can we trust? Who is mature enough to discern the voice of the Spirit and not just give you their own opinion? Who is humble enough to say “I just don’t know” or “you need to ask someone else?” Is there a way to be sure that a certain person or persons is capable of truly hearing from the heart of both God and a person at the same time? And even if they do, do they know how to combine those two messages into something that makes sense or is helpful to the one seeking?

Carla and I have been given a lot of council and advice in the past year. Some of it has been wonderful. It typically comes from very Godly people we really trust who completely have the right motives. Some of it has been horrible. It typically comes from very superficial Christians we don’t really know who probably have their own motives. And then, I would say the majority of this council and advice comes from everyone else. We may not feel strongly one way or the other about their character. Their opinions aren’t necessarily great or awful. It just falls into the huge chasm of “well, thank you for saying that. God bless you.” But the more I think about it, the more I believe I really only have one voice to heed—the voice.

Every church plant is different. For that matter, every person is different, every culture is different and every circumstance is different. I believe in guiding principles, but I would argue strongly that each situation demands its own judgment. That’s what we call being “situational.” And once again we’re back to the wondrous benefit of the Holy Spirit with us all day every day. God can literally guide every step we take. We can literally have the mind of Christ as we make those daily decisions. So, the question becomes, are we hearing His voice? Is there enough space and quiet in our lives to listen to what’s inside? Are we courageous enough to get away and/or even put a stop to some of those competing voices?

If a person truly hears from God on another’s behalf it probably won’t feel like a brand new idea or suggestion, but a confirmation of what’s already going on inside. The wisest and best counselors draw out what’s already inside. They recognize that God is already doing something and work to discover the truth that already exists in that particular person and/or circumstance.

Do you know what happens when you type in “Christian” to the search on Amazon.com? You get 605,748 hits for books. You get 322,243 hits for mp3 downloads. Then there are the tens of thousands of CDs, DVDs, t-shirts, magazine subscriptions and pieces of jewelry. There is even a section called “Everything Else” with 2,456 items! How can there possibly be so many voices?! Are we naïve enough to think they’re all saying the same things?! Can they all be right?! These voices aren’t inherently bad. But let’s not assume that makes them inherently good either.

I’ve had to put a stop to quite a few voices lately. I’ve had to remind myself that I, Dustin, am a Christian. The Spirit of God abides within me, personally. I know His voice. I don’t have to get a “word” from a Praise the Lord marathon or church podcast. I get my marching orders from The Top. I hear His voice. And when it gets hard to hear I'm learning to take a few important steps. I'm learning to retreat to quiet and peaceful places. I’m learning to make time in the morning and take breaks throughout the day. I’m learning to lovingly say things like, “I’ll spend some time in prayer about that, but I’m not going to make a decision right now.” I’ve even had enough guts to say “No. It sounds like a fine idea, but it’s not for me.” What a powerful little two-letter word! One gains a lot of freedom when he/she learns to harness the power of “no.”

So many voices speaking. So few worth listening to.