lost control

I think I’ve lost control of my life. Good. Great! Finally!!! I was never supposed to be in control to begin with. I’ve driven in the median too often and slammed into too many trees anyway. I don’t want to be in control.

The bad news about this, though, is that I continually fight to regain the control I honestly don’t want. I always think I know best or can fix the situation or have a better idea. I seem to conveniently forget that God created all and orchestrates all.

I spent this past weekend at a men’s retreat. I was privileged just to be there with them, but was also asked to be their speaker. It has a high honor and I was a little scared of it all. I felt like I heard from God, however, about what to say. I came with three messages ready from the Lord. But then, like always, the situation changed. The circumstances were altered. I faced some unexpected and unknown barriers. Enter Dustin, the Great Fixer of All. I made some inquiries and did my best to level the playing field once again. I worked my magic to delight and surprise all, and I failed. My attempts didn’t work out. I was forced, coerced and required to do things God’s way. And wouldn’t you know it…everything worked out fantastic.

The messages were very well received. The men seemed genuinely blessed and touched by God. The coordinator was very complimentary and I was thrilled. But, better than everything else, I sensed the Divine nod. I knew that God was pleased with my surrender. Even though I fought Him again and released very reluctantly, He smiled upon me. I lost control. And it was wonderful.

I want to lose control again today. I want that to be a hallmark of my life every day. I want to discipline myself to be more flexible. Does that make any sense? I want to work harder at not working so hard. Is that even possible? I don’t really know how this all fits together yet, but it sure is exciting! Thank you, Lord, for prying the control out of my hands over and over and over again! You’re so much better at life than I am!