space

I grew up in the church growth movement. I read and heard lots of church leaders talk about how God wants to increase the numerical size of our churches. Many of them said things like, “build the biggest building you can and God will fill the space.” There is some truth to that. It even worked for some churches. I believe the primary idea behind this philosophy is that God is waiting for us to make room. When we actively make room for Him to work and move, quite often He will do just that. Lately, though, I’ve been wondering about the space not in our churches, but in our lives.

It has been said that there is always more that can be done than should be done. Each of us has a unique calling upon our lives. Usually, though, that unique, specific calling is, at best, blurred or, at worst, erased by the “tyranny of the urgent.” What would happen if we all focused ourselves only on what we feel like God has called us to and said a kind but firm “no” to everything else? I find myself breathing very heavily after mulling over that question. What about all the stuff that doesn’t get done? Who’s going to make sure the details are covered? Do I really trust God? No, really?! Is all that other stuff my concern, my jurisdiction, my calling? Or have I just adopted it over time? What makes me think I have to worry about what people think? Why do I feel such intense pressure to please everyone else? How can I possibly expect to have peace and joy when I carry the responsibility for so much? Have I created any blank, empty space in my life for God to fill?

My first priority in life is to be a child of God and pursue relationship with Him. It’s been said so many times that I’m afraid it’s now a cliché. But that doesn’t make it less true. How much time do I give God on a daily basis? How much of my energy goes into that first and foremost relationship? In comparison, how much time do I spend reading emails or watching television in a day? How much of my energy goes into thinking about ministry for God instead of time with God? I don’t want to swing the pendulum over to the legalistic side of faith, but I do think it’s important to wrestle with these issues.

My second priority is to be a husband and father and pursue relationship with my family. I can say they are second only to God all I want, but do they feel that? Do they know it deep down? How does one juggle the importance of time with family alongside the numerous other opportunities that seem to come from God (i.e. friendships, work, hobbies, etc.)? What happens when those conflict? Who wins? How often?

I want to create space in my life. I want to have the freedom to spontaneously go for a drive or stop to watch the bug cross the parking lot with my little boy. I’m tired of feeling rushed and stressed. I’m tired of the pressure to perform. I want to find true rest and peace in the strong arms of God. If I intentionally create this kind of space, and then refuse to refill it with other stuff, I believe God will fill it with Himself. More of You, God, and less of me! It's all for You. It's all for You. I'm letting go. I'm letting go.

copy cat

I have this picture of Josiah and me. It’s one of my favorites. We went to Picnic Point beach one day just to play. It’s a rocky beach, which he loves. I honestly think he could stand at the water’s edge and throw stones for hours if we let him. Well, on this day, Carla captured a wonderful moment.

See, Josiah has this thing about his dad, which I love. He wants to be just like me. He sees and follows just about everything I do. He’s a little copy cat. In a way it’s a really scary thing. I’m not all that good, you know. Just because I’m a pastor doesn’t mean I know what I’m doing in life. I mess up and am weak just like everyone else. What if Josiah sees and follows that example?! There are times that I’m terrified of him being a copy cat. But that’s my issue. Well, one of them at least. On this day at the beach it was beautiful and memorable.

That morning he even wanted to dress like daddy. I was wearing blue jeans, sneakers, and an orange t-shirt with a black jacket over it. So, guess what he needed to wear? Yup. Even down to the orange t-shirt. Precious. Then, when we got to the beach, he wanted dad to throw rocks with him. He is still pretty young at this point so I was helping him out a little. “Okay, hold the rock with this hand and then pull your arm all the way back…” I didn’t even know Carla was back there until she had taken several pictures.

There’s something special about this candid shot. It’s an amazing image of a little boy and his father. The boy is a copy cat. The son looks like his dad not only because of the family resemblance, but in his dress. But he’s also copying his action. They’re standing the same way. They’re holding the same thing. They’re facing the same direction. They have the same intent. The only difference (except for the size, of course) is the little glance. The boy is shooting a little glance over at his dad. He’s watching him. He’s copying him. He wants to know exactly what dad is doing. Why? Well, because he wants to do it too!

I love that picture because I’m the dad in it. But I also love it because I’m the son in it. In that image, I see me and Jesus. That’s how I see my Heavenly Father. I want to be just like Him in every possible way. It’s not enough to simply be where He is and do what He does. I want to look and feel and smell and sound like Him. As one of my favorite musical artists, Warren Barfield, sings, “I want to be mistaken for Jesus.”

The day is coming when Josiah won’t copy cat his dad anymore. (As former youth pastors, Carla and I are painfully aware of this teenage reality. We’re bracing ourselves for that day.) But hopefully he’ll keep one thing front and center. I pray he copies one thing to the letter. I hope and pray that he follows me as I follow Jesus. When it comes to our Father in heaven, I hope we all turn out to be phenomenal copy cats.

becoming

Have you ever read or heard something that just grabbed you? It’s almost as if you can’t get away from it. I ran across a discussion several months ago like that. It was in the blog of a very prominent professor, believe it or not, when he was asked some questions about homosexuality. He turned the dialogue into a more general discussion of sin as a whole. Every single one of us, he said, is invited by Jesus to come to God. And we’re invited to come exactly as we are. We do not need to fix ourselves up first (as if we could even if we wanted to). However, none of us are invited to stay exactly as we are. God loves us too much to leave us in our sin.

Come as you are, but don’t stay that way.

Wow. Even now the phrase feels loaded. It has such simplicity and also such depth. I just can’t get away from it.

Last night our community of faith talked about this idea, this phrase. It can be very difficult to openly confront. Let’s be honest: none of us like to told what to do, or where to go, or how to think. Especially here on the West Coast, we are extremely independent. Our great grandparents journeyed along the Oregon Trail in wagons because they were tough, strong-willed individuals. And that mentality has been passed down as a sort of cultural ethos. It’s who we are. “I don’t need anyone or anything. I can make it on my own!”

But that’s not the message of Scripture. And I think if we’re honest with ourselves, that philosophy of life carries some serious problems. See, there comes a point when we realize we need other people. Maybe it takes a tragic car accident or horrifying doctor’s report to prove it. But eventually you realize you can’t do this thing on your own. And we don’t have to “be our own boss” long to recognize that we don’t make the greatest of decisions all the time. Maybe it takes mistaking a partner’s intentions or a temporary lapse in judgment to finally get it. But it is going to happen. We’re not very good at being in control. And actually, that’s kinda the point!

You look like Jesus. Did you know that? The very first book of the Bible, Genesis, affirms that we were each created in the image of God. We look like Him! We are to be His ambassadors and representatives on earth. The problem is, the image looks fuzzy on most of us. Sin has clouded that beautiful picture so that it’s hardly even recognizable in most Christians. To a very large degree, that’s the purpose of discipleship. In our journey with Jesus, we are becoming more and more like Him. Every day we are transformed into a truer image of who we were originally created to be. We’re not there yet, but we’re on our way.

The homosexual is not the only one who needs to change. In fact, let’s just give that a break for awhile. Yes, I believe it’s a sin. But why do we have to hammer on it? Pastors need to change too, you know. How many preachers are morbidly obese? Why don’t we talk about the sin of gluttony? How many of us struggle with our pride on a daily basis? Can we address the destructive issues of gossip, pornography and workaholics? We all need to allow Jesus to transform our lives and help us become who we need and want to be. It doesn’t matter if we work for Starbucks or Disney or Walmart. We come to Jesus exactly the way we are…but we don’t stay that way.

I am in the process of becoming. So are you. Some of us are fighting that process more than others, though. Maybe today we can relax a bit more. Maybe we can trust God. He created us after all. Maybe He knows what He’s doing.

growin' up

I feel strangely proud of myself today. That’s not the only emotion coursing through me, to be sure. But it is one of them. And I think that’s a good thing.

We had to cancel our gathering last night. Josiah has been feeling sick for the past several days. We thought he was over it until about 3:00 yesterday afternoon. I’ll try not to give too many gory details, but did you ever see The Exorcist? Remember the scene where vomit comes erupting out of seemingly every orifice of that child?! Okay, maybe it wasn’t quite that bad, but we definitely felt like we couldn’t have a group of people come into our home when we have an obviously sick toddler. Well, I just felt terrible about having to cancel.

We already had to miss 2 weeks in a row! Yesterday made it 3 in a row! Most pastors will tell you that’s deadly to a congregation. But what else could we do?! So, we put Josiah back to bed (he had been napping until “the incident”) and got on the phones. I called all those we knew were coming and broke the news. As I talked to them I felt so disappointed, but they were very gracious. Especially those who have their own children. They understood completely.

That’s when the proud-of-myself part happened. I did not break down into a pitiful heap and whine! (Unfortunately that’s been known to happen in the past when I don’t get my way.) I moved on! We cleared away all the stuff that was going to be used that night and I began to prepare some dinner while Carla had the joy of cleaning all the nasty clothes. Believe it or not, we enjoyed a great meal together full of smiles and laughter. After dinner I even got to play “tennis ball” with Josiah and Carla for about a half hour before we put him to bed a few minutes early.

I guess the bottom line is this: I feel like I’m growin’ up. Considering the circumstances, I think I handled myself pretty well. Compared to my past history of freak outs, this was great. For years I have longed to have a deep, inner sense of peace and joy no matter what the circumstances. This feels like a taste of that.

For all you Meyers Briggs folk out there, I’m an INTJ (Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, Judging)…heavy on the J. I am not the kind of person that typically handles surprises and disappointment and last-minute changes very well. I’m a planner—an organizer. I like all my ducks to be in a row. Don’t mess with my ducks, man! But God has been. He has intentionally and consistently scattered my ducks with His shotgun blasts. And this past year or so has been a good hunting season for Him.

But maybe I’m finally growin’ up. Maybe I’m finally getting it. Maybe I’m finally learning to trust in God, depend on God and rest in God. I’m usually really hard on myself (and others, for that matter), but last night and this morning feels different…in a very good way. I’m still disappointed we couldn’t meet. I’m a little anxious about next week. But I’m also excited. My Father is pleased with me. While that’s always true, I’m not usually pleased with myself. This morning I am. I’m patting myself on the back today. It feels good.