space

I grew up in the church growth movement. I read and heard lots of church leaders talk about how God wants to increase the numerical size of our churches. Many of them said things like, “build the biggest building you can and God will fill the space.” There is some truth to that. It even worked for some churches. I believe the primary idea behind this philosophy is that God is waiting for us to make room. When we actively make room for Him to work and move, quite often He will do just that. Lately, though, I’ve been wondering about the space not in our churches, but in our lives.

It has been said that there is always more that can be done than should be done. Each of us has a unique calling upon our lives. Usually, though, that unique, specific calling is, at best, blurred or, at worst, erased by the “tyranny of the urgent.” What would happen if we all focused ourselves only on what we feel like God has called us to and said a kind but firm “no” to everything else? I find myself breathing very heavily after mulling over that question. What about all the stuff that doesn’t get done? Who’s going to make sure the details are covered? Do I really trust God? No, really?! Is all that other stuff my concern, my jurisdiction, my calling? Or have I just adopted it over time? What makes me think I have to worry about what people think? Why do I feel such intense pressure to please everyone else? How can I possibly expect to have peace and joy when I carry the responsibility for so much? Have I created any blank, empty space in my life for God to fill?

My first priority in life is to be a child of God and pursue relationship with Him. It’s been said so many times that I’m afraid it’s now a cliché. But that doesn’t make it less true. How much time do I give God on a daily basis? How much of my energy goes into that first and foremost relationship? In comparison, how much time do I spend reading emails or watching television in a day? How much of my energy goes into thinking about ministry for God instead of time with God? I don’t want to swing the pendulum over to the legalistic side of faith, but I do think it’s important to wrestle with these issues.

My second priority is to be a husband and father and pursue relationship with my family. I can say they are second only to God all I want, but do they feel that? Do they know it deep down? How does one juggle the importance of time with family alongside the numerous other opportunities that seem to come from God (i.e. friendships, work, hobbies, etc.)? What happens when those conflict? Who wins? How often?

I want to create space in my life. I want to have the freedom to spontaneously go for a drive or stop to watch the bug cross the parking lot with my little boy. I’m tired of feeling rushed and stressed. I’m tired of the pressure to perform. I want to find true rest and peace in the strong arms of God. If I intentionally create this kind of space, and then refuse to refill it with other stuff, I believe God will fill it with Himself. More of You, God, and less of me! It's all for You. It's all for You. I'm letting go. I'm letting go.